4. Spill the beans
|Spill the beans|
Revealing things about who you are can help raise your attractiveness. It creates a closeness to that person, and lets him feel closer to you.
A study published by the American Sociological Association, found that “bestowing secrets upon a certain someone straightforwardly implies trust and a willingness to strike up a relationship,” and that withholding information about yourself “implies just the reverse.”
“Self-disclosure is really an important part of the process of intimacy,” Fanelli says. “This might be telling how many siblings you have, that you come from a small town, or that you like jazz music,” he says. “You have to learn to trust the person, before you can move to deeper levels of self disclosure.”
These deeper levels may be telling him your goals in life or what makes you who you are. But, “revealing too much too soon can also be a distancing move,” Fanelli says. Be careful not to scare him off by telling him your life story on day one.
How to make it work:
On the first meeting, tell him about yourself first. As Fanelli suggested, start by sharing the more basic things: your likes, dislikes, where you’re from. The casual, “what year are you? What’s your major?” lines always to the trick to get the ball rolling as well. Then let him do the same – the disclosure should always come from both sides! The more that you share, the closer he’ll feel to you and the more he will be willing to share. As the relationship continues, give each other the more serious, big-picture things.